My thoughts on kissing, holding hands and bed sharing

Esta entrada es una colaboración para el carnaval de blogs, que este mes trata sobre besar, agarrarse de la mano, compartir cama, etc. Escribo en inglés porque es el idioma de este carnaval.

I don’t think that kissing, even French kissing, holding hands or sharing a bed are intrinsically romantic, but toxically considered romantic by our society, making difficult to do them outside a romantic setting. First, I shall exclude cheek kissing because our society has decided that this is the formal greeting when a woman in involved, though I strongly hate these protocol and its gender asymmetry. I think French kissing is considered romantic or sexual, so if it’s not considered romantic it’s because it’s linked with casual sex. The latter would be the only case I would engage in French kissing, and I did engage in it in a context of sensual explorations, but in general I’m not driven into partnered sex, so I’m not driven into French kissing for sexual reasons, and less for romantic reasons.

Regarding hand holding, I shall exclude the case of helping another person, or being helped yourself, where holding hands is functional. When a couple hold hands for romantic reasons they do it in a dysfunctional form, and they insist on being granted room for the pack even in crowded settings where one can hardly get their own room. In extremely crowded settings, it could paradoxically result functional as a way to keep together, but again the way you should fasten your partner’s hand is not romantic, as far as I know. I haven’t tried romantic hand-holding, and I can’t see the point in it. Just showing everybody you are a couple?

Again, I shall exclude bed sharing for a need, which uses to be temporary. Romantic bed-sharing uses to be a standing situation. In this case, if two people share a bed in a continuous basis, it’s assumed they’re a couple more surely than if they held hands or kissed, and it’s also assume that they are more committed and, of course, that they have sex on a regular basis. Among this three romantic gestures, I dislike more bed sharing, especially for lasting hours. I wouldn’t share a bed if there were no need. I can’t understand the couples that, being able to have separate beds, decide to give up this comfort in order to be closer to their partner. One thing is sharing a bed for a sex session, which I understand, and another thing is sharing it for sleeping. And I hate when society dismiss a couple’s love and engagement when they find out that they sleep on separate beds, or even in separate rooms.

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2 Responses to My thoughts on kissing, holding hands and bed sharing

  1. You make a good point about society valuing relationships with bed sharing over relationships without it. And that’s really something that holds true across all romanromantic acts: relationships with hand holding and kissing are similarly privileged. Leaves those of us who don’t experience romantic attraction in a less-than position, which I find painful.

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