In my previous contribution to this edition of the Carnival of Aros, I avoided dealing with gender questions before I had explained my position, but later I decided to come out, so now I can review how the aromantic community has helped me to explore my gender identity.
As I explain in my introduction posts (English and Spanish) and in my contribution for the Carnival of Aces, I could realize my gender identity because I split biological sex and psychosocial gender even for identity, where they are usually grouped together. Bidimiensional models like Storms gave me the tools for picturing separate masculine and feminine axes, so that agender is a legitimate possibility, but the split attraction model allowed me to explore my sex and gender identities by themselves, rather than together. This way I could recognize my cis-sexual and agender features as legitimate and separate, rather than as conflicting ones.
I am cis-sexual because I am pleased with my male body, and I am agender because I disidentify with both the masculine and the feminine axes. This apparent contradiction is very similar to the contradictions an aromantic person might feel for being, say, heterosexual, just for the example’s sake. There is no need to choose the label “straight” focusing on their sexuality, forgetting their aromanticism just because “the only way to be aromantic is being asexual” or crap in this line. Fortunately, the aromantic community, despite having its origin inside the asexual one, recognizes that one can be allosexual and aromantic without contradiction. So, this light the aromantic commutity shed was source of new realizations about my gender identity.
Moreover, it happens that the AVEN subforum on gender has coined a term for people in this situation, cis-genderless, so I was not alone and I could communicate more efficiently with this label and propose it to questioning people. I’m glad that there is a term for what is significant in my life, especially if the term is soundly founded (on the sex/gender divide) and can be useful for many people in my situation. And maybe this new wine require new wineskins.