My experience at the blurry frontiers between categories

This post is a contribution to the January 2022 edition of the Carnival of Aros, whose topic is In-Between Spaces.

I identify, in order of realization, as aromantic, asexual and agender, but in order to confirm each one, I had to struggle with the blurry frontiers with neighboring categories. In the case of aromanticism, I had to deal with my panplatonism. Indeed, I had to discover this category and realize that I was aromantic and panplatonic. The key concept was squish, the «platonic crush,» which I learnt thought the post Squish! by Trix. This new category of platonic attraction allowed me to confirm my aromanticism and even to speak of my feelings and to form a queerplatonic relationship for some time.

Though I learnt of aromaticism through the asexual resources, it was more difficult for me to confirm my asexuality because I had no idea of the border between sexual excitation and attraction, so I considered myself grey in the dark zone. I needed to confront experiences with other aces in order to realize I was one of them. So, despite I knew of asexuality first, it was the second identity to be confirmed.

Years after, I reconsidered my gender, but I had to clearly distinguish sex and gender and that their identities might be mismatched. Provisionally, I identified as demiguy and later as cis-genderless, but when I did split the two categories, «sex» for the anatomic and physiological while «gender» for the psychological and social, I realized I was completely agender, regardless how I feel about my body.

In conclusion, 3 identities whose borders I had to know in order to know myself better, my position in them, and even my position in the neighboring categories.